Austin Powers: Insanity's the Limit
by MaryChristmas
Summary: Chapters three and four upAustin Powers in the 22nd Century? Uh oh...
1. Chapter One

**Austin Powers: Insanity's the Limit**

  
  
  
  


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**Disclaimer:** The characters and places in this story do not belong to me. I'm just borrowing them for a bit of non profitable fun.  
  
**Summary:** Austin Powers in the Twenty Second Century? Uh oh....  
  
**A/N:** This fic is a crossover with Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century. This fic contains spoilers for _Austin Powers in Goldmember_, so if you haven't seen the movie yet and still want to, don't read. Also, this fic is rated PG13, so, if you're not thirteen or older don't read. If you're offended by innuendo, don't read. If you're offended by Austin Powers, don't read. And for those of you who know my usual SH22 writings....this is not an H/L. It's an A&E story...um yeah figure that one out if you can...  
  
  
  


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**Chapter One**  
  
**Dr....er Scott Evil's Secret Lair**  
  
The three people sat in silence around a long conference table in the semi-darkness of the secret lair beneath the Hollywood sign. At the head of the table was a bald teenager wearing a black sweater vest, a barely discernable twitch in his right eye. To his left sat an older gentlemen with an eye-patch covering his left eye and dressed in a two-piece pin striped suit. On the teenager's right was a severe looking woman in a black leather jacket. A riding crop sat on the table in front of her.  
  
The woman and the man looked between each other and the teenager, who was staring off into space. The man squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. Finally he stood up and walked over to a large mini-bar and poured himself a drink before sauntering over to the table. He struck a thoughtful pose, bracing himself for an outburst.  
  
"Sir, I just want to say that Evil Corp has never done so well as it has these past few months. Last week alone we brought in over two billion dollars profit. Sir?" The teenager's face still contained a vacant look, and the man turned towards the woman in obvious appeal.  
  
The woman smiled, nodded, and turned towards the boy. "SCOTTT!"  
  
Scott jumped and looked around. "What? Are we being attacked? Is Dad back?" He shook his head quickly and leveled a frown at the man with the eyepatch. "Number Two, what are you doing standing around here for. I thought I told you to go get....our newest member." He brought his pinkie finger up to his lip at the last words and raised an eyebrow.  
  
Number Two hesitated a moment before answering. "I...already have sir. He's in the New Henchmen Training Facility now. Frau Fabizna has already conducted his orientation."  
  
The severe woman gave another nod and smile. "_Ja_. He catches on quick that one."  
  
Scott looked properly embarrassed before he gave a loud sigh of discontent. "I'm just not good enough for this. I haven't had enough training." His face grew cold. "And do you know whose fault it is?"  
  
"Your father's?" Number Two ventured to guess.  
  
Scott slammed his fist down on the table, and then picked it back up with a whine. "Ow! No, you imbecile. Austin Powers." Lightening struck from out of no-where causing everybody to jump. "None of this would be happening now, if it weren't for that....that...freak of a hippie. So, I've come up with a plan to both get rid of Powers," Lightening struck again, "And to take over the world! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ahah. Ha. He. Ah...."  
  
Number Two and Frau both nodded approvingly, but neither joined in the evil laughter, causing Scott to give yet another discontented sigh.  
  
"Anyway, we're going to go to the future, far enough that there's no possible way Austin Powers..." More lightening. "...could be alive then. And just to make sure he doesn't follow us, I've hired a hit-man. One who has never failed. Ever. Welcome...Oedipus."  
  
A tall, dark and handsome man limped into the room. He had a roguish smile and a twinkle in his eyes. He wore the latest style out of GQ and looked as if he stepped right off the pages. Well, limped anyway. "Greetings Mister Evil and co. I am...Oedipus."  
  
Scott smiled a little. "Yes, yes, we know that already. But...I'm just a little curious. You see, most of your type of guy has a reason for his...nickname. So, do you have a reason you're called...Oedipus?"  
  
"Why yes I do. I..."  
  
"Slept with your mother?" Number Two interrupted.  
  
"No, I..."  
  
"Killed your father?" Frau inserted.  
  
"No...."  
  
"Figured out the riddle to the Sphinx's question?" Scott asked. "What? It's something Oedipus did," he added when everyone turned to look at him.  
  
Meanwhile Oedipus was getting hot under the collar. "No, no and no! I have a club foot!" He raised the pants leg and kicked off his shoe showing a wooden club for a leg. "See? Oedipus is Greek for Club Foot! Jeez!"  
  
Scott rolled his eyes. "Why didn't you just call yourself, "Wooden Leg"? I mean. Same thing right? Ass."  
  
Oedipus' lips twitched dangerously, but he controlled his reaction. After all, the Evil family was supposedly insane. One did not mess with psychos lightly.  
  
"All right, Oedipus. Now, you know what to do?" Scott asked after everyone settled down.  
  
"Yes. I kill Austin Powers." Again, lightening filled the room with light.  
  
"Okay, where's the friggin' lighting coming from?"  
  
Up in a corner of the room, an anonymous henchmen cowers beneath his work console. His brother, cousin, nephew, father and dog had all died because of the famous Evil temper. He was the only male relative living now, and he wasn't about to lose his life just because of a bit of faulty wiring. It was of course, only coincidence that it sparked whenever somebody said Austin Powers.  
  
"Okay....Well. Let's get on with it then, shall we? Number Two! The time portal. Set it for the year....2104! Oedipus once you've killed Powers...." Scott stopped, waiting. When nothing happened he went on. "As I was saying, once you've killed Austin Powers..." Lightening struck once again. "Okay! Look, when you've done your job come back here and join us. Got it? Good. Let's go then."  
  
Number Two, Scott and Frau all jumped through the time portal. Oedipus set out to do his dastardly deed.  
  


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**A ritzy restaurant....**  
  
Two men sat at a booth, both holding up menus. One was a bald man with a scar running from the bottom of his right eye down to the corner of his lip. He wore a plain grey button up suit and a ring on his pinkie finger with a large letter E engraved on it. The other had shaggy brown hair, glasses and wore a suit of purple crushed velvet with a ruff at the neck.  
  
"So Dougie," the man with the hair asked without putting the menu down, "What are up to tonight?"  
  
Dougie placed his menu down on the table and scratched his chin thoughtfully. He pursed his lips and shook his head murmering, "Well, nothing really Austin. Mini-me and I were just gonna catch a movie later. Ya. You know. That sort of thing."  
  
Austin nodded in understanding, still holding the menu up. "That sounds nice. Well, I hope you have fu...ah!"  
  
Dougie frowned and looked at his brother. "Fu-ah? Is that a new word? I don't do new words you know. Austin? Hello? I'm talking to you here. Look, my mouth is moving, words are coming out of it. Answer me."  
  
Austin, still with the menu in front of his face was trying to talk, but the penetrating pain in his left shoulder blade prevented that. He was finally able to convince his fingers to let go of the card board and it dropped to the table. Then, his head followed, thumping on top of the menu. He let out a strangled moan before he fell quiet.  
  
Dougie for his part simply stared at his brother, confused as to what was going on. The other man had always been...weird in his estimation and this was no exception. Until of course he saw a stain of red growing around a blackened hole in the back of the velvet suit. "Oh my god he's been shot!"  
  
This pronouncement of course caused everybody in the restaurant to get up, screaming and running in general panic, while also serving to jog Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery out of his pain fogged state and into action.  
  
He leapt to his feet, a bit unsteadily mind you and looked around. Of course, the would be assassin was no where to be found, having obviously thought his job finished. "This can be the work of only one man," Austin stated to no one in particular, "Dr...." He stopped and looked at his brother who was giving him a concerned look. "Er...Scott Evil. Yeah. Dougie, go and inform the Ministry of Defense that I'm off to catch a killer." And with that, he took off, and ran head first into a pillar.  
  


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**New London Headquarters of Evil....**  
  
"Good work Oedipus. You've gotten rid of the only person who can stop us. Now, on to taking over the world! Let's go everyone, new Headquarters await us."  
  
"But sir," Number Two jumped in, "Aren't these good enough?"  
  
"Number Two, Number Two, Number Two. You just don't get it, do you? Someone from the Ministry is bound to come looking for the murderer of their number one agent. If we stay here, they're bound to find us? So, we're going to relocate, and destroy this building...or at least make it impossible to get out of. You know, in case someone leaves something behind. Right! Let's go!"  
  
Everyone left the Headquarters of Evil, and right afterwards, the outer warehouse crumpled as if hit by an explosion. Only a human sized hole was left, to a door that was computer locked from the outside.  
  


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**The Hollywood Sign Lair...**  
  
After several tries, Austin finally made it up to where he was certain his old...well...new nemesis awaited. Granted, he could barely see through the haze of pain. And while it was true he felt incredibly dizzy from the blood loss, he was absolutely certain he would do perfectly fine. He abruptly stumbled into a post of some kind and grunted. Well, so far there had been no guards to test his weakened state on...so s'all good.  
  
"Wait a tic!" he exclaimed as he gazed at the post he'd crashed into. It was the controls to Dr. Evil's time portal. Placing his hand on the controls, he accidentally activated it, then, finally losing the battle for consciousness, he fell headfirst into it.  
  


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**Outside the Old New London Headquarters of Evil...**  
  
Inspector Lestrade frowned as she picked her way through the rubble, intent on finding something, anything to prove her theory right. This building hadn't even been on the scheduled demolition list. However, Greyson assumed it was simply a mistake. Lestrade didn't believe in that kind of accident, especially when it was so near the residential district of the city.  
  
A few minutes and diligent searching later, she cried out in triumph as she found the computerized door. The locking mechanism was brand new, and had been recently set. Now why would someone want to do that to a warehouse that was going to be destroyed? Holmes would have been proud of her, if he had been there to hear her deductive process. However, he was trying to get some information out of one Eva Norton.  
  
Of course, the fact that she was the many times great grand-daughter of a certain person had absolutely nothing to do with his interest in her case, the detective had assured a dubious Lestrade and Watson when the relationship had been brought up.  
  
Grinning at the memory of her friend's obvious discomfort, she deftly got the lock open and stepped inside. To her suprise, the door was at the top of a dark staircase, and she carefully made her way down them, flicking on her wrist light and hold her ionizer at the ready.  
  
As she reached the bottom, the stairwell opened up into a large control room of some sort. There were blinking lights on computer terminals, but other than that it was empty. Save of course for the big hypnotic thing at the back and a man wearing something straight out of the nineteen-sixties laying on a stoop in front of it.  
  
Lestrade cautiously made her way over to the man and gently toed him with her boot. Nothing happened. Shining the light more fully on him she noticed the blood seeping out of some sort of projectile wound. Grimmacing, she knelt beside him and felt for a pulse. Good, he was still alive. She pulled the scarf like thing from around his neck and placed it against the wound to staunch the flow of blood, before opening her wrist-comm and contacting Watson.  
  


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**A/N: **Yes, I know...Insane...(see title)  
  



	2. Chapter Two

**Austin Powers: Insanity's the Limit**

  
  
  
  


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**Chapter Two**  
  
**Inside Holmes' hovercoach....**  
  
Eva Norton, a short dark haired beauty, watched her companion as he drove. She didn't normally like silences of any sort, but this one wasn't so bad. Certainly not when she could gaze her fill at the legendary detective. Her grandmother's diaries hadn't mentioned he would be handsome. Of course, they hadn't mentioned much about him except that he had almost ruined her marriage to Godfrey Norton.  
  
If Eva hadn't read the accounts that had been published--one in particular--she would have thought it had to do with the man himself. She allowed herself a tiny smile, then sighed. She and he would never work out, and it was foolish to think otherwise. She could barely get two words out around him that weren't stammered.  
  
"Miss Norton, is this the place?"  
  
Startled from her thoughts she blinked and looked out the window at the collapsed warehouse. With a frown she shook her head. "Y...yes. But...well...it wasn't like this before...."  
  
"No, it was recently demolished," Holmes agreed, "And that looks like Lestrade's cruiser. Let's go have a look shall we?" He landed the coach gracefully next to the New Scotland Yard cruiser.  
  
As they both exited the vehicle, Eva had to stifle a bit of jealousy at the thought of the lovely inspector. Jealousy of not only the other's beauty, but her ease of conversing with Holmes, and their friendship. It wasn't fair really.  
  
As they came to an open doorway amidst the debris, Holmes turned towards her and she nodded. Yes, this was where she and her brother had been brought. As they descended the stairs, she tried to forget the look on her brother's face as he was thrust through that thing. A time portal is what their captor had called it, but Eva was certain that was just a cover up. She just knew that he had been pushed through to his death off some sort of virtual cliff or something like that. Time travel was impossible.  
  
Holmes held up a portable light and gestured for her to lead the way. Shaking slightly, she walked slowly through the main chamber until her eyes caught the spiral at the back of the room. Two figures were in front of it, one kneeling over the other. She turned back towards Holmes, her mouth open in abject terror. Not for herself, but for the man lying there on the ground. She was possitive he was her dead brother.  
  
Holmes, however had a perfectly calm demeaner and sauntered over to where the figures were at. Eva stood for a moment, gaping, then ran to catch up with him.  
  
"What's happened here Lestrade?" Holmes asked the woman kneeling over the man. Up close, Eva could see that it was not her brother.  
  
"I don't know Holmes," Lestrade admitted, "But he's been shot with some sort of projectile weapon. And," the inspector gave a coy smile, "he's obviously from the twentieth century. Somewhere around the late 1960's I'd say." She indicated the odd clothing the man wore, and the thick glasses lying on the ground near his head.  
  
Eva stifled yet another bit of envy. The woman was even able to tease him! Holmes for his part simply smiled and pointed at a digital readout above the spiral that read: 2002.  
  
"We really shouldn't jump to conclusions without all the facts you know Lestrade. Is he?"  
  
"No, he's alive. And, I tried to contact Watson, but all I got was white noise. You know, like someone was jamming the signal or something. Same thing when I tried to contact you in the hovercoach. I was just about to try your portable when you showed up." She grinned at Eva and winked.  
  
Becoming more angry by the minute--spurred by jealousy--that grin and wink served as the match to her fuse, and Eva exploded. "This is all very well and good, but my brother is very probably dead, and you're just sitting her chatting each other up instead of finding his killers, who have obviously vacated the premises!"  
  
Holmes placed a calming hand on her arm. "You are understandably upset, but I doubt very much that your brother is dead. Especially seeing as the time portal is real. As of now, we can do no more than speculate, and we have not enough facts to come to a satisfactory conclusion. And the fact that neither the hovercoach nor the apar..."  
  
He was interrupted by a very loud explosion that rocked the warehouse. Holmes reacted by racing up the stairs. Eva watched open-mouthed, and Lestrade looked as though she wanted to follow as well, but had to keep her hand on the lacy thing covering the bloody wound in that guy's shoulder. Seconds later, Holmes returned at a more sedate pace.  
  
"Greyson isn't going to be happy with you Lestrade," he stated causually.  
  
Lestrade groaned. "You just had to park near my cruiser didn't you? Oh well, at least I can honestly say it wasn't my fault this time."  
  


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**New New London Headquarters of Evil....**  
  
Scott Evil looked around the new Headquarters with an approving nod. The Holocaid was a perfect place. No one would ever suspect that an evil organization bent on taking over the world would ever use a gaming room as their base of operations. And, Scott got to try his hands at some of the games. How cool was that?  
  
"Sir?" Number Two walked up his fist clutching the collar of a young girl's shirt.  
  
"Ow! Let go you big zedhead!" The girl exclaimed, and then she kicked out catching Number Two on the shin. He abruptly dropped her and began jumping around clutching his leg and cursing. The girl giggled a minute before turning to Scott with a huffy glare.  
  
"So you're the new owner of the 'olocaid eh? Well, you're charging way too much for admission. You're gonna lose all your business you know." With that, the girl turned around and marched out, muttering dire threats under her breath. Scott was charmed.  
  
"Number Two, get someone to follow her...and find everything you can about her. Also, lower the admissions rate." Without waiting for a reply, he returned to trying to come up with a plan to take over the world. So far, everything he had come up with had huge holes in it, and too many risk factors. And then, he caught sight of an advertisement for Galileo City. Yes, yes that just might work.  
  
Actually, that's been done before.  
  
"Huh? Who said that?" Scott looked around desparately for the source of the anonymous voice.  
  
Me. I said that. And, Moriarty tried to take over Galileo City last year so that he could blow up the earth. It didn't work. Sherlock Holmes stopped him.  
  
"Well I'm not Moriarty. I'm..." he paused for dramatic effect. "Scott Evil! Muahahahahahahaha...ahem. Besides, I'm only going to make it look like I'm taking over Galileo City. Then, when they concentrate all their forces on stopping me there, I'll actually be here, kidnapping the Prime Minister. Then, I'll hold him for ransom for a trillion dollars."  
  
Actually, they use credits here...  
  
"All right, just shut up!"  
  
I was just..  
  
"Hush!"  
  
But I...  
  
"I said quiet!"  
  
Fine! Scott frowned out at nothing, since he couldn't see whoever had been speaking. Then he gave another discontented sigh. He couldn't even be as childish as his father was. It just wasn't fair. And on top of all that, he was hearing things. Oh well, at least Austin Powers was dead. That was some consolation anyway.  
  
**Hollywood Sign Lair...**  
  
Nigel Powers, Basil Exposition and several Ministry of Defense muscle stood around waiting for Mini-me and Dr. Evil...er...Dougie Powers to finish whatever it was they were doing. It looked like they were playing a game of patty-cake, but that would just be a stupid, obvious ploy to get some cheap laughs on the part of the author. And the author is simply not like that. So, just ignore the above statement.  
  
"Come on Dougie," Nigel encouraged, "Austin could be dead by now."  
  
"Actually," Dougie answered, "In all likelyhood he very probably is dead. I mean...he lost a lot of blood. Ya. I was there. It was like... a friggin' fountain. Ya. A fountain. Okay it wasn't that bad, but you get the idea."  
  
"Dougie!"  
  
"Right, right, getting to work. I have some good news, and some bad news. Which do you want first?"  
  
"The bad news," Nigel put in before anyone else could say anything.  
  
"Right, okay. The bad news is, the time portal has been broken. Austin must have accidentally jammed the controls when he fell against the machine."  
  
"And the good news," Basil prompted.  
  
"Uh well, there's not really any good news. I've just always wanted to say that. Okay, okay! Mini-me and I will get right to work in trying to fix it!"  
  


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Go back to One  
  



	3. Chapter Three

**Austin Powers: Insanity's the Limit**

  
  
  
  


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**Chapter Three**  
  
**Warehouse...**  
  
Austin groaned as he slowly came to consciousness. At first, all he was aware of was a dull pain emanating from somewhere in the viscinity of his left shoulder blade. Then, he felt a slight pressure upon that very same spot, almost at the same instant he realized he was staring at two very shapely thighs. He grinned. maybe he should get himself shot more often.  
  
Hearing someone nearby talking, but not understanding the words, he lifted his head. Two blurred women spoke to him in a soft voice. A single soft voice. Blinking rapidly, he brought his eyes to focus--good enough without his glasses anyway--and the two women became one. She was a drop-dead gorgeous brunette. He tried to pull himself off the ground, but a hand on his back restrained him.  
  
He turned his attention to another groovy brunette who was speaking in a huskier tone. He still couldn't make out what was being said, but that didn't matter. With a soft sigh, he lay his head back down on the hard concrete floor. Then, he abruptly jumped to his feet as memories came flooding back.  
  
"Crikey, I've been shot!" he exclaimed looking at the two women and the man whom he hadn't noticed before. They all three gave him a look that said clearly: "No shit sherlock." He also noticed that hadn't understood what he had just said, even though he knew he had said it. Odd...  
  
The woman who had been kneeling next to him placed her hand on his shoulder and said something. He shook his head and her words slowly began making sense.  
  
".....blood. It's probably making you dizzy right now. Or at least it should be." She gave him a once over.  
  
"Well baby," he said, "I've got to find Dr....er Scott Evil, so if you'll excuse me..." he took a step forward and nearly fell over. "Right then. I suppose I do need to rest a bit. A good idea.I am a bit...woozy now that you mention it, yes."  
  
The woman helped him to sit back on the floor, her face a mixture of disgust and amusement. "Fine, but my name's Lestrade, okay?"  
  
"Sure baby, whatever you say." He grinned up at her still standing form. She in turn leveled a glare at him that should have killed him where he sat.  
  
"Mister Holmes, do we really have to stay here?" The other girl said, her voice only slightly plaintive. Not enough to really call it whining. "My brother may not be dead now, but who's to say he won't be?"  
  
The man--Mister Holmes, Austin presumed--simply shrugged. "I very highly doubt that. However you are right in that we shouldn't wait around here any longer. Whomever wanted me and Watson out of the way will most certainly be here to check and make sure their attempt was successful. I think your apartment should be safe enough Lestrade, and it is closest."  
  
The woman who last spoke gave Lestrade a glare almost as lethal as the one the latter had graced him with. Austin grinned. "Cat fight anyone? Rrrow! Hehe."  
  
"Come on swinger boy," Lestrade told him, holding out her hand, her tone laced with the same disgust-amusement.  
  
"It's Austin Powers, baby," he rejoined, grabbing her hand and letting her pull him to his feet.  
  
"Sure swinger boy, whatever you say."  
  
Austin stopped and looked at her, but she continued walking on. He looked back at Holmes and...his girl for lack of a better term. The former simply raised an eyebrow. The latter refused to look at him. So he shrugged and followed Lestrade.  
  
**An empty station in the Old London Underground...**  
  
Watson's sensors slowly came back online. As his sub-processors began an automatic damages check, he wondered if perhaps they weren't supposed to have. The voice he heard next disabused him of that notion and he let out a voluntary groan.  
  
"Oh, good. You're back with us I see, Watson," the slick voice of Moriarty reached his 'ears'. "I am afraid I have some...bad news." The criminal genius placed his hand over his heart in mock sympathy. "Sherlock Holmes is dead."  
  
"What? But..." Watson stammered, unable to come up with anything. "but...Wait. Holmes is too smart to allow himself to be killed by the likes of you, at least not without taking you down with him!"  
  
Moriarty lost the expression of concern and grinned wickedly. "Oh really? Take a look at this then." He held out a remote control and pressed a button, which activated a screen of some sort. On the screen was the conspicuous purple and gold of Holmes' hovercoach. And...  
  
"No! Impossible! Holmes couldn't have been inside that, it was on the ground!"  
  
Moriarty, instead of gleefully shouting his victory over his arch-nemesis, nodded agreement. "As I thought. I simply wanted to see if someone else noticed besides myself. Because a certain _somebody_" he glowered over at the cowering French geneticist, Fenwick in the corner, "did not."  
  
Watson struggled to get up, but a special binding device for robots held him in place. "However," Moriarty continued on, "I had a feeling that particular plan would not succeed. Therefore, I came up with a back-up. You. Now Holmes will have to allow me free rein, and that goes for keeping his yardie on a leash, or risk having you....destroyed."  
  
**Hollywood Sign Lair...**  
  
Dougie stood and faced his father and Basil with a slightly apologetic face. "Well, I've fixed the time machine. However, I haven't been able to synchronise the time-portals, so if we try to use it, we'll land in some unknown point in the future. Well, somewhere close to where the portal is...but, it could be in a lake, in a vat of acid..."  
  
"Point taken," Basil said, "Now..."  
  
"In a compost heap, in a garbage chute, in a firey furnace..."  
  
"We got it," Nigel put in, "And I think..."  
  
"In a...ow!!" Dougie stopped, rubbing his head where his father had just slapped him.  
  
**Lestrade's apartment...**  
  
Lestrade sighed as she watched Holmes and Eva Norton leave. Both were wearing one of her only two dresses, and if she hadn't been left with the weirdo from the sixties, she just might have laughed at the sight. As it was, she was very close to finishing a botched job of murder. Honestly, if the guy hadn't been shot, she'd have insisted he go with the two of them.  
  
"You've got a swingin' pad, baby," Austin called from in the living room.  
  
Lestrade ground her teeth together and counted to ten as she picked up her medikit. "I don't like being called 'baby', swinger boy," she announced as she walked into the living room, "It's degrading." She looked over to where he was leaning against the bookshelf, watching her. _He is kinda cute..._ Shaking her head she pointed at the couch. "Take off your shirt."  
  
An unwarranted blush rose in her cheeks as she realized the implications of her poor choice of wording.  
  
He looked at her in surprise, and then grinned. "Getting randy are we baby?"  
  
"No!" she answered a little too quickly, "Look, I'm just going to treat your wound and get that bullet out. Now sit on the couch with your back towards me, and take off your shirt."  
  
"Sure baby," he said easily, and complied with her demand. "You know that guy Holmes? He must think he's pretty funny to be wearing that get-up and his name being what it is. What, does he think he's Sherlock Holmes or something?"  
  
"He _is_ Sherlock Holmes," she told him testily, "He was preserved in honey, and last year I had him brought back to life so that he could stop Moriarty, who is a clone of the original, although we didn't know that at the time." Really, this Powers guy was simply too annoying. Her anger had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that his bare back was to her. Nothing at all.  
  
He twisted his head around slightly, just as she was about to pass the scanner over his wound. "Really? Now that's strange baby. I was cryogenically frozen in 1967 and unfrozen in 1997 to stop my arch-nemesis. And, he has a clone too."  
  
She shoved his head back around with an admonishing, "Be still!" and continued her ministrations. Soon, she had the bullet out and the wound closed up. "Yeah, real weird," she muttered in answer to his last statement. "And so is this bullet..." She frowned as she brought it close to her face. It wasn't, as far as she could tell, a bullet so much as a cartridge. A cartridge that looked as though it was supposed to have ruptured upon impact with bone. It was obviously a dud, as it only had a bit of fluid leaking out of it.  
  
Finding an evidence bag in one of her desk drawers--one never knew when one would need one--she put it inside and then walked over to her computer. Austin followed closely behind, so closely that when she stopped abruptly he ran into her. She fell into the computer table, and he fell on top of her. Feeling another blush rise in her face, she visciously pushed backwards. He stumbled back and fell onto the couch.  
  
"Sorry luvvie," he said, not sounding sorry at all.  
  
"Whatever, just don't let it happen again, okay?" She turned the terminal on and then placed the evidence bag in a slot and sent it to the Yard to be analysed. When she turned around he was right in front of her, and her eyes went involuntarily to his hairy chest. "Put your shirt back on!"  
  
He gave her a puppy dog look. "But they're all bloody and icky, baby," he said, "Besides I think you like me like this." He grinned and wrinkled his nose. She rolled her eyes.  
  
Go on to Four!  
  
Go back to: 1|  
  



	4. Chapter Four

**Austin Powers: Insanity's the Limit**

  
  
  
  


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**Chapter Four**  
  
**The Holocaid...**  
  
Oedipus slumped against a far wall, in the shadows, watching his new employers interact with the kids and serious gamers as he rested his sore right leg--the club was just a costume prop, but after having it on for days on end, he had blisters. Number Two was trying in vain to beat the kid in the hoverchair. Frau was trading boxing tips with a tall black kid. Scott Evil was in the control room having some kind of argument with himself--and losing from the looks of it.  
  
With a shake of his head, Oedipus turned towards the door, the better to see who entered. It wouldn't do for anyone to recognise him now. Especially since his sister had seen him leaving with Number Two. He hoped he had done a convincing job of pretending to have been kidnapped, otherwise his whole operation was blown.  
  
He shifted again as his position had the rubber pressed into the blisters causing a very painful sensation. He wished his current employers would either let him go--not very likely--or get on with whatever plan they had. He hated standing around and waiting like this. Too many chances of being seen...or of someone finding out the scheme and putting a stop to it.  
  
Evil chose that moment to walk out of the control room. He looked around once, frowned and then walked back inside. The intercom came on right after that.  
  
_Attention all senior staff of Evil Corp._ Oedipus winced as several people looked up in surprise. Jeez was this guy an idiot or what? _Please come into the control room for a meeting._ There was a pause and then, _Evil Corp. is called Evil Corp, because my last name is Evil. So don't make anything of that. Okay?_  
  
Oedipus rolled his eyes, and keeping to the shadows made his way to the control room. Frau and Number Two were already there and seated around a long conference table. Oedipus looked at it oddly, wondering where it had come from and how it had been fit into the rather small space.  
  
"Sit down Eddie," Scott said, "I'm sure your...leg must be hurting you." The kid gave a slight snicker.  
  
Oedipus jerked and looked at him. "W...what did you just call me?"  
  
"Eddie, you know, short for 'Oedipus'? Now sit down!"  
  
Feeling relieved, Oedipus sat in a chair as far from the others as he could, still shaken. That was way too close. He didn't want anyone to know his real name. Really, if he hadn't needed the money, he never would have accepted the job. Well actually, he didn't need the money, but the concept of time travel intrigued him. Oh well, it was too late for regrets now.   
  
"Now that everybody's settled...I am going to reveal my greatest plan. We are going to take over Galileo City and..."  
  
"But that's already been done," Oedipus quickly inserted, "Moriar...."  
  
"Shut up! Thank you. I know. Okay?" Evil frowned around the table, but no one else seemed inclined to disagree with him. "Now, as I was saying. We are going to take over Galileo City and from there the world. At least, that's what Global Intelligence is going to think. While they're concentrating all their forces on trying to stop us, we will in actuallity be kidnapping the Prime Minister."  
  
"Zaht is a gut plan, Scottie," Frau said approvingly, "Your father vould be so proud."  
  
"Yeah? You think so? Well, unfortunately I have no idea how to go about kidnapping the P. M. okay, so how proud of me would he be huh? Huh?"  
  
Oedipus squirmed slightly in his chair, wondering if he should tell them or not. After all, to keep his operation going, he had to have contacts. "Uh sir...I..workintheprimeministersofficeimhisassistant."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Speak slower please?"  
  
Oedipus sighed. "I work in the Prime Minister's office. I'm his assistant."  
  
"Really?" Frau asked.  
  
"Really. My real name is...well you don't need to know that. But, I can get into the office and kidnap him."  
  
"Great!" Scott said.  
  
"Yeah, but first I gotta convince my sister that my kidnappers released me. She saw me going with Number Two and..."  
  
"Okay, okay sure fine. Do whatever it takes. Ladies and Gentlemen we are about to take over the world."  
  
**Inside Eva Norton's apartment...**  
  
Eva watched Holmes from the kitchen as he spoke with the odd gentleman on her vidphone. She could see that he was tense, and that whatever was being said did not agree with the detective. He was wearing some clothes she had found that her brother had left last time he visited. She let loose a long sigh. Poor Eddie, what must he be going through, if that is, he were still alive.  
  
She turned her attention back to Holmes so that she didn't have to think about that. He had finished speaking and was walking towards the kitchen. She quickly busied herself with washing a few dishes, hoping he hadn't noticed her appraisal. She was in luck.  
  
"Well this is an interesting turn of events," he murmered as he sat down at the table.  
  
"Care to talk about it?" She asked, the same way she would her brother. Realizing that it could be considered rude, she hastened to add, "I mean, you know...if you don't talk about things, they wind up festering inside until they eat you from the inside out. Rather like gangrene..."  
  
To her suprise, he chuckled. "You are quite right Miss Norton." He paused and stared intently at her. "I called into the Yard to see if anyone knew anything about your brother's work. Of course no one did. However, I did find out that Lestrade had the bullet from our new friend sent in for analysis. It was actually a cartridge containing a modified form of Saxitoxin--a neurotoxin produced by a certain type of algae. Once released into the blood-stream it would cause paralysis and then death."  
  
"Oh!"  
  
"Yes. Fortunately for Mister Powers, the cartridge did not explode as it was supposed to have. Lestrade told the techs that some of the liquid inside was leaking out, but not until after she had removed it."  
  
"Well, that's good then..."  
  
"Yes. However, the toxin and the means of injecting it are the _modis operandi_ of the assasin who has killed those world leaders. Oedipus."  
  
**Somewhere as of yet unknown...**  
  
Dougie shook his head as he tried to see in the pitch black of wherever it was that he was. He didn't know where Mini-me was, or his father, or Basil. This was not good, not good at all.  
  
"I tried to warn them, but would they listen to me? No. Now they're probably stuck inside a wall somewhere. Or an oil tanker. Or a spaceship...oh, now that's not so bad. I mean...ow!"  
  
He rubbed his head where something hard had just hit it. Then a light shone on him from somewhere. "What the?" He blinked rapidly a moment before they focused enough to see a teenaged girl with a cool futuristic flash light. "Did you just throw something at me?" At her nod, he shook his fist at her. "Well that hurt you a-hole!"  
  
"Sheese! You don't 'ave to get all uppity about it. Can't be too careful down 'ere you know," the girl returned, her voice laced with attitude.  
  
"Right, yes. Of course. Tell me little girl, where's your mommy?"  
  
"My mommy? I'm..."  
  
"Run along home little girl. You don't want to get hurt now."  
  
"Look zed head..."  
  
"All right zip it."  
  
"But I..."  
  
"Shh!"  
  
"You are one..."  
  
"The snake says shh shh shh shh shh!"  
  
The girl folded her arms across her chest and glared. "Oh well, guess you don't need a guide then." She actually said it more like ohwellguessyoudontneedaguidethen, but Dougie got the general idea.  
  
"Wait! Don't go! Hey! I'm looking for..." it was too late though, the teenager had disappeared with her light, leaving him in the dark again.  
  
"Well shit."  
  


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